Friday, December 6, 2013

27 Ways that prove you are Indian driver: Rate yourself!

No matter who we are, how civilized we act, which strata of the society we belong to, or how educated we might be, our real Indianism is reflected in the way we drive. Scooter, auto, car, truck, tractor, bike or even a cycle, there is something unique about us Indians that makes the world think we are crazy. So what makes us different, or are we just an exaggerated race that perhaps is the only one which knows how to drive? Umm, lets see what makes us so unique..!

Rate yourself on this scale of 27!

1) The fault is never mine. 'Saale ko chalaani ni aati', 'Abey kaise chala raha hai ye' is the best way to show that you are perhaps the only good driver on road.

2) The other person is always a fool, even though you were the one overtaking from left when the entire right lane was empty. "Abey saale side mein chala!"

3) Pedestrians are meant to be harassed by us, and yet when we walk and someone else harasses us, we %^#&@^*&^ him.

Yes, this is how it works. When I'm on the wheels, I will be the next Salman Khan trying to mow down people but when I'm walking, I'll be the one to scream 'Abey mere pe chadhayega kya?!', even if it is just a cycle.

4) Zebra is the most disrespected animal on the roads in India. Zebra crossing is a myth, there is nothing like that, and if it does exist, we make sure we stand on it.

5) If you try stopping behind the zebra crossing, the whole world will honk behind you and the person sitting next to you will ask 'Abey itni peeche kyu rok di? Aage le!'.

And in some cases, the car behind will not anticipate that someone can stop behind the zebra crossing, and like my poor friend's new i20, your car will get banged from behind. Poor zebra, India is the worst place to become a crossing!

6) Pressing the horn as soon as the signal turns green. Will the cars in front start flying if you start honking? Yes, they will. Never understood the logic, and lets not even try.

7) Turn without giving any indicator. Well indicators are meant for oldies, the 'cool dudes' don't want to be predictable. Let's just turn, and it's upto others to save everyone. ;)

8) Did you see an indicator blinking? DO NOT trust the driver. If he really want's to inform you about his turn, he will take out his hand and signal it. Don't be surprised if the indicator says left, and the hand says right. It's pretty normal.

9) Adventure is when you have to turn right, but you opt for the left-most lane, and then turn right. Add to the fun, stare accusingly at the person who tried to stop you from turning. Still not satisfied? Abuse him.


Important: Please do not turn your indicator on, it will kill the adventure!

10) You love blocking free left turns.

How to do it? Choose an intersection where the left turn is free but you have to go straight. What next? Pretend that you are in a hurry and just block the road turning left. Now just enjoy the continuous honking, music to anyone's ears.
Don't think about the people who are waiting to turn left, your time is more precious, they are just idiots. ;)

11) Jumping red lights, almost every fucking time! The signal is still red and you don't see any traffic coming? Come on, why do you want to waste time! "Abey nikaal le,koi nahi dekh raha" ;)

12) The traffic police is just retarded. Why do they want to control traffic?

Jump signals, break rules, but make sure you have a valid accidental insurance that covers you completely. For example, a leg broken into 3 pieces along with broken rib bones should be covered.

13) Tripling on bikes/scooters, because you want my friends to give you company everyyyywhere including arguing with cops for breaking rules and in some cases, hospital.

14) Lane discpline? What the fuxk is that? In fact, what are lanes? You don't see any! You will zip zap zooooom between vehicles.

15) The u-turn is 20m ahead. So what? You will save this distance and go in the wrong direction. FTW. Like a boss.

16) You can not resist driving on the footpath when your bike is stuck in a jam! After all, footpaths are official bike lanes.

17) "Abey yahin laga de, dekhi jayegi" Parking in No parking areas is the way to live. The boards are at the wrong place, not your car! ;)

Andddd parking on the road instead of parking lots, congrats, you save 10 bucks every single time! Traffic jam because of your car? Not at all.

18) "Abey horn baja na" is the most frequently used sentence in cars. If your friend's and family don't use it, then you need to change your friends and umm.. family as well!

Play Yo Yo Honey Singh loudly in your own car, and never listen to anyone's horn. That's how one should drive! Then, does anyone listen to your horn except the poor bikers?

19) Riding without helmet, because your hairstyle is more important than your skull! And so what if your skull cracks, Lord Shiv replaced his Ganesha's with an elephant's! Your dad can do the same. Super dad. He loves you.

20) If you're not the one in point 16, then you're definitely the one in point 17! Wearing helmet without buckling, because the helmet will stick to your head when you fall! :D Fevicol ka jod hai, buckle to latkaane ke liye diya hai.

21) Driving behind a bus and then honking when it stops at the bus stop. Disturbing already struggling people sitting in the bus gives you pleasure.

22) If you are a biker, then point 21 is not where you stop. You overtake the bus from the left. People boarding the bus should give way to you and then board the bus. But beware, people getting off the bus might end up jumping on your bike if you're too fast!

23) Side rear view mirrors? Lol.

24) If you're a man, you can not resist commenting when you see a women driving a car. Something like.. "Bail gaadi chala rahi hai kya?!", "Arey madam chalaani nahi aati toh chalaate kyu ho!", "Abey aunty se bach ke reh, udaa degi"

25) Even when you were learning how to drive, you never displayed the "L" sign on your vehicle.

26) No matter how much you try, you will always have at least one document related to your vehicle missing, unless your parents own that responsibility. Pollution check, insurance, RC, license.. just too many!

27) And the last one. You never wear the seat belt. Too common. It suffocates you.

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